God is with me wherever I go. He plays music for me over and over again to bring tears to my eyes. The Times They are a Changin' by Bob Dylan is now playing in this cafe. I am closer now to the end of my days and indeed, the times, they are a changin'. I look back now on my life and see "the good ol' days." I did not know how fortunate I was but now in comparison to the present reality I was fortunate indeed! Some things were worse back then but so many things were much better than they are now. I suppose every generation feels this way in this stage of their passing.
I hear the crying and fussing of a little child in this cafe and I remember the struggles in raising my own children. Although my reaction is one that does not envy the young parents dealing with this I long to be able to go back to this time in my own children's lives and possess this revelation of old age. It is my dream that I would have a new appreciation and a differing perspective on the struggle and would fare better in my parenting and have made my children's lives better in the process. And yet here I am with brokenness all around.
It is no wonder that time travel is such a human fascination. We ruminate about "what if..." and all the schemes that could make it a possibility. What if I said this? What if I did that? What if...etc., etc.? Perhaps it is this imagination of ours that makes life bearable in unbearable reality. I have gained an appreciation for fiction. My austere evangelical Christian upbringing eschewed fiction and looked down its condescending nose at such frivolity. My broken soul now sees how therapeutic fiction can be for all the tangled ends of the fabric of my life. If only momentarily, if only fleetingly, if only imaginatively, the fictional story knits these tattered rips of pain into another garment of hope, still scarred but with a new beauty and hope.
It's funny that now that i'm in my early 30's I look at teenagers and wish I had the perspective then that I have now. I guess we all have these "pit stops" throughout our life where thrill, gratitude, nostalgia and regret collide.
ReplyDeleteGeez Uncle. I wish I could say as much as you do in as few words as you do. We should get beers sometime soon.
ReplyDeleteThis weekend next week are open.
ReplyDeleteWhere I come from in Waterloo County (as it was then known), we had a saying, "Ve get too soon old und too late schmart."
ReplyDeleteMy Mother had another version, "Youth is wasted on the young." It used to annoy me when she said it, but now I understand.
Silver lining: Adrian, if you aim for 120 years, you're not yet middle-aged!